This is story. A story about a girl. A girl who didn't know who she was, but came to find out about herself through nature. This girl who found out about herself is me. I was sixteen and I thought I knew everything there was to know about life. Coming from New York City, I was all about partying and drinking. It was not a big deal to drink at sixteen because everyone did it. It was known in my inner circle of friends to "have fun", but something inside of me said "is this you?" I went on the search to find out about colleges that would teach me about myself. During my search I came across a school named Magdalene. For months I was in contact with this school, calling the admission office, speaking with students from the college. It all seemed great. Over the summer I packed my bags to go to a summer camp. Saying goodbye to my family felt great because I was on a journey to find out about myself.
After an 8 hour trip, I arrived. It was beautiful. Magdalene was out in the country, it was a small liberal arts school that read the great books. My first day there I read Aristotle, but me being so use to the noise of the city, had enough of the quiet. I wanted out. I started on a walk to the nearest town. Making my way a mile away from the college I can across a path. I was curious. Trudging my way through this path was difficult for me since I was in my coach sneakers and Donna Karen purse. A half mile up toward the path I came across a campsite. There was a lean to and four logs around a campfire. Since I was so tired from walking I sat on a log. Sitting there I began to think about everything... Life, and friends. The thought came through my head "who am I?" Sitting around a dead campsite with nothing but the birds chirping. I thought to myself "What in the hell am I doing here?" Then it came to me, I'm a young women, from New York City, who had a great fashion sense and didn't care about anything except being successful. This serene and quiet atmosphere wasn't for me. I wanted to be apart of the moving world and not be one of the stillness. Standing erect, I looked out and saw objective beauty. This was place was pure leisure, but not for me. I started to walk away, but looking back I knew I will forever remember this campsite because it helped me discover myself and what I want out of life. This place may be a place of leisure for others, but for me it's about keeping my eye on the prize. This is my story. The story about coming to know myself through nature.
I think my favorite part of this is when you talk about your Coach sneakers and your Donna Karen purse. These details create a vivid picture and tell us about the narrator, you. I'd love to see you create a more visual picture of Magdalene. The word "beautiful" is abstract. How can you show us Magdalene's beauty. This kind of abstract writing runs throughout your piece, especially in the first paragraph. Why not start with the story and let it speak for itself? You don't have to tell us that you were on a journey to find yourself. Show us that in your story. The strongest part of your blog describes the campsite and what you did there. Use these types of details throughout.
ReplyDelete